The Biz of Pacelinebiz

Turning things on end to achieve results!

Posts Tagged ‘Sarcasm

Answers Please

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I Need Answers

I Need Answers

  • Why is it that when the fan on your car is in the off position it stills blows cold or hot air on you?  It never used to be that way.   Is this an example of better technology?
  • Why is coffee at most restaurants served just below the boiling point?
  • Why does it seem like “certain restrictions” apply to everything?
  • Why is the self-serve tub of ketchup usually empty at fast food restaurants?
  • Why do they call chicken nuggets, chicken?  They should be called imitation, pasteurized, substitute chicken product in nugget form.  Aren’t they made of 58% newspaper and the rest is equal parts animal by-product, partially hydrogenated palm kernel oil, saw dust, water, yellow dye #32 and high-octane lighter fluid?
  • Does anyone else think that Comedian Jim Gaffigan has made almost as much from hot pockets as the hot pocket company did?
  • Is virtual reality for people who can’t handle reality?  It seems to me that it is an exercise in fooling oneself.  Are we a world of fools?
  • I will answer this one myself — Pokemon Go?  NO!
  • Does anyone else miss full service gas stations besides me?
  • Does time move slower from Monday night to Thursday morning than it does from Friday night to Monday morning?

I hope I can get my questions answered and I hope you get your questions answered as well.  Have a great week.

 

Written by pacelinebiz

August 21, 2016 at 8:01 am

Happy 50th Birthday Super Bowl!

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The National Pastime

The National Pastime

This year the Super Bowl turns 50. In fact, today is the 50th super bowl that will be played.  In spite of that, I don’t want to talk about the NFL or the Super Bowl for today’s blog.  I think it would be more interesting to think about what has changed in the past 50 years.  For one thing there was no such thing as a blog.

What else has changed in the last 50 years? Well, whether you like it or not, I have a list!

  • Men’s hair styles – they have gone from long to short to long to anything goes. I don’t think there is a hairstyle that is not accepted today.  Many hairstyles for business have become acceptable that were once frowned upon.
  • Women’s hem lines – as far as I know they have done about the same thing as men’s hairstyles except in reverse short-long-short-anything goes. In general I think dresses are less popular than they were 50 years ago.
  • Technology – wow that is a whopper to say the least. 50 years ago computer were rare and the size of cars.  Now they run cars and are the size of a deck of cards or smaller.  Your smart phone is basically more powerful than the best computer of 50 years ago.  Could a computer from 50 years ago have a pizza show up at your door or tell you how to go over the river and through the woods to get to grandmother’s house?
  • Blue Jeans – see discussion about men’s hairstyles and women’s dresses. Mr. Obvious told me yesterday that fashion is fickle.  I think he is right!
  • Coca Cola – WRONG that has not changed except for a brief time in the 1980’s when someone lost their mind.
  • Daylight savings time – It was suspended during the early 1970’s by President Nixon during the energy crisis and has been adjusted several times since the 1980’s. I like how it is now so please no more changes.
  • Units of measure – 50 years ago we weighed things in pounds, ounces and tons and measured distance with inches, feet and miles. Now everything is metric and is so much better – uh, right like that happened!
  • Dependency on foreign oil – now we are energy independent and things are still terrible. I am confused by that one.
  • Eggs were good for you – wait they are good for you again never mind.
  • An Ice Age was coming – now there is a threat of global warming. This theory is partly based on the precise temperature readings from the 1880’s. Here is an excerpt of a typical conversation at a weather station in 1880.  “Josiah, should I call that 56 or 57 degrees?   I don’t know Ebenezer we always round down when we can’t tell so I guess it is 56.”
  • Baseball – 50 years ago there was not a designated hitter rule but in 1972 they destroyed the game with its introduction. Now there is talk of adding it to the National league.  I shudder.

I hope you enjoyed my silly little list – perhaps it distracted you from the game on the TV. Have a great week.  Pitchers and catchers report to spring training in about 10 days!

Written by pacelinebiz

February 7, 2016 at 4:01 pm

It Happened On January 25th

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On this date in history...

On this date in history…

I have listed a few items that caught my eye but you can read the full list by clicking here
I will add comments as I see fit to items I find noteworthy.  They might be sarcastic so be forewarned.

  • 1877 – Congress determines presidential election between Hayes-Tilden
    I wonder if they had a hanging chad problem?
  • 1890 – Nellie Bly beats Phileas Fogg’s time around world by 8 days (72 days)
    You go girl!
  • 1915 – Alexander Graham Bell in NY calls Thomas Watson in SF
    Did he ask him how the weather was?
  • 1924 – 1st Winter Olympic games open in Chamonix, France
  • 1937 – 1st broadcast of “Guiding Light” on NBC radio
    Was this Luke and Laura?
  • 1945 – Grand Rapids, Michigan, becomes 1st US city to fluoridate its water
  • 1955 – Columbia University scientists develop an atomic clock accurate to within one second in 300 years
    But does it take a licking and keep on ticking?
  • 1961 – Walt Disney’s “101 Dalmatians” released
  • 1970 – M*A*S*H, the movie premieres
  • 1974 – Ray Kroc, CEO of McDonald’s buys San Diego Padres baseball team for $12 million
    They are probably worth a billion dollars now.
  • 1981 – 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived back in US
  • 1988 – VP George Bush & Dan Rather clash on “CBS Evening News” about his role in Iran-Contra affair
  • 1993 – Sears announces it is closing its catalog sales dept after 97 years
    Concurrent with that they also suspended production of buggy whips at their East Bullfrog, Texas facility
  • 1998 – Spice Girl Victoria Beckham (Posh) and soccer player David Beckham get engaged
    Wow, and they are still a couple. A couple of what you ask…
  • 2009 – 57th NHL All-Star Game: East beats West 12-11 at Montreal, Quebec
  • 2016 – This blog was published for your enjoyment

Have a great week.

Written by pacelinebiz

January 25, 2016 at 8:04 am

Tomorrow Is Another Chance To Get It Right

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Ringing in 2016

Ringing in 2016

I want to wish you a Happy New Year and want to close out the 2015 blog year with a look forward to 2016. It will be a leap year and we will have to work on February 29th which falls on a Monday.  As a business owner I welcome the extra day because it gives me one more day to Turn Things On End To Achieve Results!

The holiday schedule doesn’t look particularly good since Christmas 2016 and New Year’s Day 2017 fall on a Sunday. More bad news for restaurant owners is that Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve fall on the weekend which is generally unfavorable.    The unofficial summer season; measured between Memorial Day and Labor Day is about average since Memorial Day is late on the 30th and Labor Day is also late on the 5th.  In between, there is some good news in that the Fourth of July falls on a Monday.

Other items to note; daylight savings time will begin on March 13th but end on November 6th. Anyone who is involved in the payroll process should be aware that Veteran’s day, November 11th, falls on a Friday so if your pay cycle falls that day you will have to accommodate the bank holiday.  From a quick scan of the calendar, I believe that is the only Friday bank holiday.

The Summer Olympics are being held this year in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil from August 5th to August 21st. On February 7th the 50th Super Bowl will be played in Santa Clara, California.  Also falling on the 7th is the start of the Masters Golf tournament in April and the Kentucky Derby in May.  The most significant sporting event will begin on April 3rd which is the opening of the Major League Baseball season.    Opening “day” is the next day on 4/4/16 which is also known as square root day – for obvious reasons.  I suspect the Pittsburgh Pirates will begin their dominance in the National League Central Division that day.  One can hope anyway…

I hope 2015 was a good year and that your Christmas season was meaningful. If not, as an optimist*, I always believe that tomorrow is another chance to get it right.  Have a great week and a Happy New Year.

* a bit of sarcasm to end the year – free of charge!

Written by pacelinebiz

December 28, 2015 at 7:57 am

Light Bulbs!

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I Contain Zero Mercury

I Contain Zero Mercury

I’ve never given much thought to light bulbs.  They are only something you think about when they are not working properly. They are like an offensive lineman in football.  You never pay them much attention until they get a penalty or allow a sack on the star quarterback.  Today I have been forced to give some thought to light bulbs and you probably are thinking that can’t be a good thing.  Other than providing blog topic fodder you are correct if you think that.

Here’s the story.  Last week the light bulb for my garage door opener went out and I didn’t give it much thought.  I knew I had to deal with it when I had the time.  Then early this week I noticed a bulb was out in my office ceiling light.  Later that day the ceiling light over the kitchen table went out.  By then it seemed strange that all these lights were going bad.  I took my last old-fashioned incandescent bulb and replaced the light in my office. Then I looked to see if I had any in the basement.  I did not.

I was in a fix it mood so I went to change the light bulb over the kitchen table with one of the new-fangled “green”, poisonous-mercury laden ones.   I have an ample supply of them in the kitchen pantry.  Mercury intermingled with my food stuffs?  I know, just as I was writing that sentence it occurred to me that a better place needs to be found for my mercury stash.  As I removed the burned out mercury light I realized it is a different type of light than the supply I have nestled in between the rice and quinoa.  (We have quinoa but never eat it. I don’t know why we have quinoa, but I like saying it at various times for no reason because it sounds funny. Kin Wah)

With my plans to have ample light over the kitchen table scuttled, I decided to change the bulb for the garage door opener when I realized I had at least two issues.  The first issue is; I don’t have any incandescent bulbs that are bright instantly.  The second issue is; if I install the poisonous bulb that s – l – o – w – l – y gets bright, will it endure the vibration from the motor of the garage door opener?  Incidentally, these bulbs are supposed to last longer – up to nine years on average.  Why is it that the incandescent bulb I replaced in my office has been there since before we moved into our house about five years ago and the long-lasting poisonous one over the kitchen table was installed two months after we moved in?   Where is my nine years?   My office light is in use much more than the light over the kitchen table. Hmmm.  That makes me want to say Quinoa.

Get yourself some Quinoa, you’ll be glad you did.  Have a great week.  

Written by pacelinebiz

December 7, 2015 at 8:01 am

Pennsylvania Top 10 List

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I am not a State, I am a Commonwealth

I am not a State, I am a Commonwealth

It has been 6 weeks since I wrote my last blog and I am writing this at the last-minute since I have none in reserve to publish. Fortunately, some blogs write themselves and this one fits in that category. Here is the story about how this one blog sprung to life.

I was riding my bike today and wanted to try out a freshly paved section of road. I had in my mind that I wanted to do a 30 mile ride despite the hot and humid temperatures.  I set out without thinking my route through very well and was unsure how I could incorporate the new pavement in with my plan of 30 miles. In the end I did not get any mileage on the new road and I ended up doing 33 miles while finishing on a very rough section of road that was very annoying especially when my under-seat wedge pack storage bag came loose and began to swing like a pendulum behind me hitting the back of my leg with every pedal stroke. This all began happening at about mile 31 when I was hot, tired and in no mood to stop and properly re-attach the storage bag. So I didn’t and waited until I came to a stop sign about a half a mile down the road.

While all this was going on I kept my sanity by reminding myself why I was glad I no longer had to ride my bike on beat up, pot-hole scarred roads in Ohio and Pennsylvania anymore. I forgot to mention I was up north for this particular ride that straddled the Pennsylvania-Ohio border. The only good thing that came from this ride was the idea that I would make a top 10 list of things I don’t miss about the place where I grew up. I figured a top 10 list is needed since Letterman hung it up a couple of months ago. So, here it is the top 10 list that you are craving:

10 things I don’t miss about Pennsylvania

      10) Duh, the roads. Despite raising the state gasoline tax recently by 9 cents, the roads are still horrible and now truckers simply fill up in New Jersey (which has very low state gas taxes) going west or in Ohio (when going east) which is also lower. An eighteen wheeler can easily travel the length of Pennsylvania on a tank of fuel. I heard from an industry insider that the amounts of gas tax revenues collected in Pennsylvania actually went down in the first reporting period compared to the prior year period. When will the politicians learn? Sorry about the length of that item but I am upset if you can’t tell.

     9) The weather. It was miserably hot and humid on my ride – as bad as any recent day in Georgia but they make up for with a lack of sunshine, bitter cold winters and plenty of rain right at the outset of growing season.

     8) Their ridiculously complex method for municipal wage tax withholding. Several years ago they changed from a very simple system of having to pay taxes based on where you live to a complex system based on where you live, where you work and how many push ups you can do in 60 seconds.

     7) Since I seem to be ranting a bit about roads. How about this gem of an idea? Several years ago the state decided to change the number system of a road that goes north and south from West Middlesex to Pittsburgh. It was called route 60 north and south. Now it is called route 376 east and west. I suddenly must travel west to go due north from the Pittsburgh airport to West Middlesex.

     6) Bugs – mosquitoes specifically. I suppose it has to do with the long periods of rain that leads to lots of standing water.  Over 9 inches of rain fell in June. Not too far from where I grew up is a state park called Mosquito Lake. I am not kidding you about the name; you could look it up. That really isn’t a great job of branding. To be fair this is actually located in Ohio

     5) Sales tax methodology. This can probably be said about any state that has sales tax but I was upset that my Gatorade that was on sale for 2 for $3 actually cost $3.18 with sales tax. To be fair, it should be noted that most of Pennsylvania’s sales tax rate is still just 6% except for the larger metro areas around Pittsburgh and Philadelphia.

     4) The state capital is Harrisburg and they tried to file for bankruptcy because they were in debt due to some bad choices related to an incinerator. Yes, really an incinerator.  The problem with the bankruptcy idea is they can’t do that by Pennsylvania law. They are trying to manage their debt load with some restructuring and more taxes.

     3) They don’t allow a deduction for retirement contributions like a 401k. It is not taxable when you collect it when you are retired for state tax purposes – but who would want to retire in Pennsylvania?

     2) The City of Philadelphia. They booed Santa Claus and that just isn’t right.

     1) Did I mention the roads…?

I hope you enjoyed my bitter rant or found some humor that can make you feel better today. Have a great week.

Written by pacelinebiz

July 20, 2015 at 8:45 am

When Disaster Strikes

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I should have known better

I should have known better

The last time it happened was October 31, 2011 and I told you about it.  It happened again today and I am going to warn you again of this menace.   Coffee spills on your desk.  Yes, that seemingly benign cup of steaming slurry of coffee beans can rush over your desk and take no prisoners.  It is an equal opportunity destroyer.  It will engulf a useless note from 3 years ago or a well-crafted, hand written memo to a client that you saved because it was so brilliant.  (I am waiting to write one of those by the way.)

This is how it went down. (Nice pun)  I was writing at my desk and was moving some random objects out of my way to make some space when I knocked over the cup of coffee.  One thing I have learned from this experience is to be careful of the choice of cup you use.  If it is the cup of standard size and shape that is your best bet.  That shape is roughly about a three-inch diameter base with a height of three and a half inches.  That is a very safe height to base (H:B) ratio of 1.17 when determining spill probability.

The evil vessel I was using had a skimpy base of two and a half inches and a horrific height of six inches.  The height to base ratio of that cup is an astounding 2.4.  That is not a cup; that is a glass!  What was I thinking?  I should not have taken that anywhere near my desk.  At least I have finally learned to avoid coffee cups with an H:B ratio greater than 1.17.

The first thing that should have warned me to avoid this cup was the warning contained on its side.  You can view the cup in the picture at the top of the page.  This was a Christmas gift from my youngest sister several years ago.   I don’t blame her, how could she have known…

Have great week.  I know I will. I am sure things will begin to look up for me after this disaster.

 

Written by pacelinebiz

March 2, 2015 at 8:01 am