The Biz of Pacelinebiz

Turning things on end to achieve results!

Posts Tagged ‘Humor

Answers Please

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I Need Answers

I Need Answers

  • Why is it that when the fan on your car is in the off position it stills blows cold or hot air on you?  It never used to be that way.   Is this an example of better technology?
  • Why is coffee at most restaurants served just below the boiling point?
  • Why does it seem like “certain restrictions” apply to everything?
  • Why is the self-serve tub of ketchup usually empty at fast food restaurants?
  • Why do they call chicken nuggets, chicken?  They should be called imitation, pasteurized, substitute chicken product in nugget form.  Aren’t they made of 58% newspaper and the rest is equal parts animal by-product, partially hydrogenated palm kernel oil, saw dust, water, yellow dye #32 and high-octane lighter fluid?
  • Does anyone else think that Comedian Jim Gaffigan has made almost as much from hot pockets as the hot pocket company did?
  • Is virtual reality for people who can’t handle reality?  It seems to me that it is an exercise in fooling oneself.  Are we a world of fools?
  • I will answer this one myself — Pokemon Go?  NO!
  • Does anyone else miss full service gas stations besides me?
  • Does time move slower from Monday night to Thursday morning than it does from Friday night to Monday morning?

I hope I can get my questions answered and I hope you get your questions answered as well.  Have a great week.

 

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Written by pacelinebiz

August 21, 2016 at 8:01 am

Designated Hitter In The National League – Good Idea?

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Play Ball!

American League baseball as pictured is inferior to the National League

There has been talk lately about the National league adopting the Designated Hitter rule that the American League has been using since the 1973 season. This is a discussion of whether or not it is a good idea.  First of all, let me tell you that I am biased towards the National League rules but will do my level best to maintain objectivity.

I had a hypothesis about why this is bad thinking it would drive up salaries by creating 1 more starting position for the National League. This turns out to be wrong since I compared tram payrolls for the NL versus the AL and the NL has a higher payroll in 2013 and 2014 and slightly less than the AL in 2015. I decided to look at the last 3 years since before that; Houston was in the National League and there were 14 AL teams and 16 NL Teams.   Going back to 2011 and looking at average team payroll for the AL and NL the evidence was not strong that the DH increased payrolls for the AL.

I also looked at the competitive balance between the two leagues and found that since the DH was implemented in 1973 in the AL, they have a 23-19 record in the World Series. That is a .548 winning percentage but a relatively small sample size.  If you compare pre and post DH records the AL is 23-19 or a 54.76 winning % in the post DH era.  They are 41-28 or a 59.42 winning % in the pre DH era.  They actually did worse with the DH.  That is interesting but not reason for the NL to claim the DH hurts competitive balance.  I think the Yankees and their 27 championships are skewing results.  Think about that number for a minute that represents 24.32% of all championships.   The Yankees need to take a few decades off from the World Series.

Since I could not come up with a business reason for the Banning of the DH I decided to ponder this issue a little further. After I thought about it I decided that most of my reasoning was based on tradition and emotion and if those were the only reasons, it might not be fair to support a ban on the DH.

After reconsidering my position I came up with some good reasoning why the DH rule should be banned. See my list below for your consideration:

  • Since 1973 our national debt has increased by 17 Trillion dollars
  • Since 1973 the U.S. steel and automotive industry has been decimated by foreign competition
  • In 1973 full service filling stations were ubiquitous and now are non-existent*. I prefer someone pumping my gas and checking my oil and filling my tires if needed to doing it by myself.  Since it was the norm this was included in the price!     *- except for New Jersey
  • Pete Rose – before the DH is Charlie Hustle after is Charlie Cheater
  • Since 1973 we lost the 1994 World Series to a player’s strike/owner’s lock out and then were treated to the steroid era.
  • Before 1973, Bobby Bonds. After 1973, his son who shall not be named!  I will give you a clue – he was the player before steroids who could not throw out one-legged Sid Bream at the plate in the 1992 NL Championship series. 
  • Before the DH no inter-league play until the World Series was played. After the DH; Detroit plays Pittsburgh every year because they are “rivals”.  I guess the 1909 World Series qualifies as a rivalry?  They never played after that Series until inter-league play began. 
  • Since 1973 the popularity of the game as compared to other sports has decreased which was the reason they put it in as a rule in the first place!

As you can see, the DH has ruined almost everything good and the proliferation of it to the National League could prove to be disastrous. Have a great week.

Written by pacelinebiz

February 21, 2016 at 12:11 pm

Happy 50th Birthday Super Bowl!

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The National Pastime

The National Pastime

This year the Super Bowl turns 50. In fact, today is the 50th super bowl that will be played.  In spite of that, I don’t want to talk about the NFL or the Super Bowl for today’s blog.  I think it would be more interesting to think about what has changed in the past 50 years.  For one thing there was no such thing as a blog.

What else has changed in the last 50 years? Well, whether you like it or not, I have a list!

  • Men’s hair styles – they have gone from long to short to long to anything goes. I don’t think there is a hairstyle that is not accepted today.  Many hairstyles for business have become acceptable that were once frowned upon.
  • Women’s hem lines – as far as I know they have done about the same thing as men’s hairstyles except in reverse short-long-short-anything goes. In general I think dresses are less popular than they were 50 years ago.
  • Technology – wow that is a whopper to say the least. 50 years ago computer were rare and the size of cars.  Now they run cars and are the size of a deck of cards or smaller.  Your smart phone is basically more powerful than the best computer of 50 years ago.  Could a computer from 50 years ago have a pizza show up at your door or tell you how to go over the river and through the woods to get to grandmother’s house?
  • Blue Jeans – see discussion about men’s hairstyles and women’s dresses. Mr. Obvious told me yesterday that fashion is fickle.  I think he is right!
  • Coca Cola – WRONG that has not changed except for a brief time in the 1980’s when someone lost their mind.
  • Daylight savings time – It was suspended during the early 1970’s by President Nixon during the energy crisis and has been adjusted several times since the 1980’s. I like how it is now so please no more changes.
  • Units of measure – 50 years ago we weighed things in pounds, ounces and tons and measured distance with inches, feet and miles. Now everything is metric and is so much better – uh, right like that happened!
  • Dependency on foreign oil – now we are energy independent and things are still terrible. I am confused by that one.
  • Eggs were good for you – wait they are good for you again never mind.
  • An Ice Age was coming – now there is a threat of global warming. This theory is partly based on the precise temperature readings from the 1880’s. Here is an excerpt of a typical conversation at a weather station in 1880.  “Josiah, should I call that 56 or 57 degrees?   I don’t know Ebenezer we always round down when we can’t tell so I guess it is 56.”
  • Baseball – 50 years ago there was not a designated hitter rule but in 1972 they destroyed the game with its introduction. Now there is talk of adding it to the National league.  I shudder.

I hope you enjoyed my silly little list – perhaps it distracted you from the game on the TV. Have a great week.  Pitchers and catchers report to spring training in about 10 days!

Written by pacelinebiz

February 7, 2016 at 4:01 pm

It Happened On January 25th

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On this date in history...

On this date in history…

I have listed a few items that caught my eye but you can read the full list by clicking here
I will add comments as I see fit to items I find noteworthy.  They might be sarcastic so be forewarned.

  • 1877 – Congress determines presidential election between Hayes-Tilden
    I wonder if they had a hanging chad problem?
  • 1890 – Nellie Bly beats Phileas Fogg’s time around world by 8 days (72 days)
    You go girl!
  • 1915 – Alexander Graham Bell in NY calls Thomas Watson in SF
    Did he ask him how the weather was?
  • 1924 – 1st Winter Olympic games open in Chamonix, France
  • 1937 – 1st broadcast of “Guiding Light” on NBC radio
    Was this Luke and Laura?
  • 1945 – Grand Rapids, Michigan, becomes 1st US city to fluoridate its water
  • 1955 – Columbia University scientists develop an atomic clock accurate to within one second in 300 years
    But does it take a licking and keep on ticking?
  • 1961 – Walt Disney’s “101 Dalmatians” released
  • 1970 – M*A*S*H, the movie premieres
  • 1974 – Ray Kroc, CEO of McDonald’s buys San Diego Padres baseball team for $12 million
    They are probably worth a billion dollars now.
  • 1981 – 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived back in US
  • 1988 – VP George Bush & Dan Rather clash on “CBS Evening News” about his role in Iran-Contra affair
  • 1993 – Sears announces it is closing its catalog sales dept after 97 years
    Concurrent with that they also suspended production of buggy whips at their East Bullfrog, Texas facility
  • 1998 – Spice Girl Victoria Beckham (Posh) and soccer player David Beckham get engaged
    Wow, and they are still a couple. A couple of what you ask…
  • 2009 – 57th NHL All-Star Game: East beats West 12-11 at Montreal, Quebec
  • 2016 – This blog was published for your enjoyment

Have a great week.

Written by pacelinebiz

January 25, 2016 at 8:04 am

Tomorrow Is Another Chance To Get It Right

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Ringing in 2016

Ringing in 2016

I want to wish you a Happy New Year and want to close out the 2015 blog year with a look forward to 2016. It will be a leap year and we will have to work on February 29th which falls on a Monday.  As a business owner I welcome the extra day because it gives me one more day to Turn Things On End To Achieve Results!

The holiday schedule doesn’t look particularly good since Christmas 2016 and New Year’s Day 2017 fall on a Sunday. More bad news for restaurant owners is that Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve fall on the weekend which is generally unfavorable.    The unofficial summer season; measured between Memorial Day and Labor Day is about average since Memorial Day is late on the 30th and Labor Day is also late on the 5th.  In between, there is some good news in that the Fourth of July falls on a Monday.

Other items to note; daylight savings time will begin on March 13th but end on November 6th. Anyone who is involved in the payroll process should be aware that Veteran’s day, November 11th, falls on a Friday so if your pay cycle falls that day you will have to accommodate the bank holiday.  From a quick scan of the calendar, I believe that is the only Friday bank holiday.

The Summer Olympics are being held this year in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil from August 5th to August 21st. On February 7th the 50th Super Bowl will be played in Santa Clara, California.  Also falling on the 7th is the start of the Masters Golf tournament in April and the Kentucky Derby in May.  The most significant sporting event will begin on April 3rd which is the opening of the Major League Baseball season.    Opening “day” is the next day on 4/4/16 which is also known as square root day – for obvious reasons.  I suspect the Pittsburgh Pirates will begin their dominance in the National League Central Division that day.  One can hope anyway…

I hope 2015 was a good year and that your Christmas season was meaningful. If not, as an optimist*, I always believe that tomorrow is another chance to get it right.  Have a great week and a Happy New Year.

* a bit of sarcasm to end the year – free of charge!

Written by pacelinebiz

December 28, 2015 at 7:57 am

My Ideal Christmas Present – A Day For Me!

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Have Very Merry Christmas

Have Very Merry Christmas

Today is the last blog I will publish before Christmas so let me wish you a merry one.  Please do not eat too much or drink too much or make a fool of yourself while playing scrabble or other board game.   I only hope I can follow my own advice.

If I had to describe the perfect Christmas Day, it would begin when I awoke without the aid of the alarm clock.  I would guess that would be some time in the 7 O’clock hour.  I would awake to find the coffee ready, and breakfast on the table waiting for me.  Breakfast would consist of eggs, bacon and sausage and a sweet cinnamon laden pastry of some sort.

After my breakfast was complete, I would stroll over to the couch with a coffee cup and carafe in hand to watch portions of A Christmas Story.  Of course my wife and little Jimmy Sad Eyes would be there with me snuggled up in a warm blanket.  In this ideal scenario, my wife would make positive comments about the chosen movie and Jimmy Sad Eyes would not crowd me.

Once the movie had run its course, I would play with Jimmy by running around the house with my slippers on.  Jimmy enjoys this game and on this perfect day I would not slip on the carpeting and break my hip.  After the horseplay I would sample Christmas goodies in the form of cookies and various and plentiful baked goods provided by my Mom. Copious amounts of coffee would be available as a chaser.  My Mom can out-bake your Mom even if it is Christmas – sorry but that is how life works sometimes. 

To walk off the calories that had already been consumed, I would take a short walk outside in the crisp 58 degree air.  Since this is the perfect Christmas Day the calories consumed would be low and the calories burned would be high.  Jimmy would accompany me on the walk and for once he would not bark incessantly at dogs, people, air or subatomic particles.

Once the walk was complete and the calories burned off, a light lunch would be awaiting me upon my return.  It would be portions of spiral sliced ham and some smoked turkey that I would use to make a sandwich that would make Dagwood proud.  If you don’t understand that reference; try Googling the word “Dagwood” with your smart phone (or other connected device).

After the lunch was polished off a nap would be in order.  I would go to the new Florida room that Santa brought me for Christmas and would stretch out in the sun on the couch and nap and bask to my heart’s content.  Forgive me if I drool, it IS my perfect day.

Once I awoke from my nap, I would partake in a no holds barred game of Monopoly with the family.  In this perfect day scenario I would have the patience to play the game to its conclusion without getting tired or bored and of course would win.   After the game was over I would again find the couch for some relaxation and sipping a glass of fine wine in celebration.

Dinner time would roll around and the feast would be bountiful with ham, turkey and homemade smoked sausage from the family recipe among a vast array of rolls, desserts and maybe a vegetable or two.  Dinner would last quite a while as we sat around gabbing and talking trash.  Trash talking is fun as long as no one gets hurt physically or emotionally.  Since this is my ideal day, the dishes would be cleaned up and put away in a flash without the aid of my wife or anyone for that matter.

By now, this blog and my special day are both getting old so I would finish the day with quiet time in front of the fireplace with my sweetie.  I would say all the right things and my jokes would actually be funny.  We would fall asleep on the couch with little Jimmy Sad Eyes wedged in between us providing extra warmth.  Goodnight.

Merry Christmas to all.

Written by pacelinebiz

December 21, 2015 at 8:04 am

Taking Inventory At Christmas

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A new bicycle, with that attitude?

A new bicycle, with that attitude?

Don’t worry, this is not a soul-searching topic on my inner most thoughts as we near Christmas.  This is actually an inventory of facts I find mildly surprising about my Christmas experience up ‘til now.  It will be in the form of a list.  I love lists.

  • I have no recollection of having a real tree at Christmas. I remember when we got our artificial one (it was before we landed on the moon) but cannot recall a Christmas with a formerly live tree. Does this qualify me as a tree hugger?
  • I have never had a “beach” Christmas. All my Christmas days have been at home or at a relative’s home. I have no relatives who live on or near a beach.  Jimmy Buffett will have to invite me next year.
  • I have never had a “Blue” Christmas – sorry Elvis. That is a pleasant surprise.
  • I haven’t had a White Christmas since I moved to Georgia and surprisingly don’t miss it. I can always watch it on Netflix or Hulu. Not all my Christmases were white when I lived in Pennsylvania and Ohio either. My guess is about 20%-30% were green.
  • My tradition of using a decorated piece of toast as an ornament began shortly after college and I am surprised that it has not become a sensation.
  • I miss the old silver tree with the multi-color light wheel that my dad had at his filling station/repair shop. I think that “back in the day” it caused many a hippie to think they were on a bad trip. It surprises me that I miss that thing but it does not surprise me that 40% of the people reading this are asking someone to tell them what a filling station is.
  • I have fond memories of watching the “Blue-Grey” all star classic. It was a college football game and was a showcase for players from smaller schools or ones with losing records since any one from a larger school or a winning team would probably be getting ready for a bowl game elsewhere. I remember that to make games competitive they would allow any team that was down by 2 touchdowns to receive the kickoff after a score – even if they had just scored. I also liked the bizarre color combinations from the player using his own schools helmet with his blue or grey uniform. It was strangely odd but surprisingly I liked it. Maybe for the same reason people can’t look away from a traffic accident. My younger brother would watch it with me and that was cool.
  • I have never gone to a restaurant for Christmas dinner. Maybe that is not surprising. I think going to a restaurant for Christmas dinner is surprising.   Maybe the only people who go to Christmas dinner at a restaurant are like the family in the movie A Christmas Story. The dogs got the turkey! That father, despite his ability to weave a tapestry with his cussing was a cool customer.

I hope you have a great week and get that shopping done!

Written by pacelinebiz

December 14, 2015 at 8:01 am