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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Answers Please

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I Need Answers

I Need Answers

  • Why is it that when the fan on your car is in the off position it stills blows cold or hot air on you?  It never used to be that way.   Is this an example of better technology?
  • Why is coffee at most restaurants served just below the boiling point?
  • Why does it seem like “certain restrictions” apply to everything?
  • Why is the self-serve tub of ketchup usually empty at fast food restaurants?
  • Why do they call chicken nuggets, chicken?  They should be called imitation, pasteurized, substitute chicken product in nugget form.  Aren’t they made of 58% newspaper and the rest is equal parts animal by-product, partially hydrogenated palm kernel oil, saw dust, water, yellow dye #32 and high-octane lighter fluid?
  • Does anyone else think that Comedian Jim Gaffigan has made almost as much from hot pockets as the hot pocket company did?
  • Is virtual reality for people who can’t handle reality?  It seems to me that it is an exercise in fooling oneself.  Are we a world of fools?
  • I will answer this one myself — Pokemon Go?  NO!
  • Does anyone else miss full service gas stations besides me?
  • Does time move slower from Monday night to Thursday morning than it does from Friday night to Monday morning?

I hope I can get my questions answered and I hope you get your questions answered as well.  Have a great week.

 

Written by pacelinebiz

August 21, 2016 at 8:01 am

The Upside Of Getting Sick

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I don't Feel So Good

I Don’t Feel So Good

As I write this I am in the early stages of a cold.  I couldn’t figure out last night why I was so bothered with some nasal passage clutter.  I thought maybe this was my reaction to high pollen levels.  I was wrong about that and I found out what was wrong today when I tried to have a conversation on the phone and my voice was “compromised”.

So, now that I know what is wrong; what to do about it?  Obviously I will blog about it but what else?  The proper thing is to rest and drink plenty of fluids and perhaps take a pain reliever-fever reducer.  After I write this I believe I will be heading to bed for some shut-eye.  I might go to the post office and finish a load of laundry but after that I will be powering down for a nap.  Of course I need to cut the grass and ride my bike so there will be a deal I need to make with myself.

Assuming I eventually succumb to the call of the soft, fluffy, welcoming bed; what can I expect to do after my rest is over?  This leads me to my topic; the upside of getting sick.  In delineating the positives that come from dealing with the common cold I shall use a list.

  • I can use it as fodder for a blog
  • I can use a bullet point list
  • I don’t have to shave and no one will give me grief
  • I can pretend that I am not sick but just being lazy in an effort to “stick it to the man”
  • It gives me an excuse to watch season 2 of Family Affair on Hulu without repercussions from my wife
  • Chicken soup is on the house!
  • Household chores will have to wait or be assigned to a lawn service or the neighbor boy
  • Watch baseball day and night – wait I do that all the time
  • I can sleep in late without guilt assuming I won’t need to get up for another reason
  • In seven to ten days you recover so I can enjoy some down time to recharge

Have a great week; I will be fighting a cold.

 

Written by pacelinebiz

May 22, 2016 at 8:04 am

Remember When?

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 Cheeseburger In paradise - No Pop Tops Allowed

Cheeseburger In paradise – No Pop Tops Allowed

Take a trip down memory lane and see how many of these you can remember.   I ask you, remember when:

  • They sold a pack of cigarettes in a vending machine for a quarter.  If you had a quarter you could smoke.
  • Pull tabs on soda cans were new and were removed from the can (Jimmy Buffett does).
  • Soda pop was dispensed in bottles by pulling them out of the machine and a bottle opener was on the front of the machine with a container to catch the bottle cap.
  • They sold newspapers on street corners in a box that opened up with a stack of papers inside. (Did anyone ever take more than one?)
  • Motor oil was sold in a cardboard quart can at the filling station and would be added to your car by the attendant using a spout that would puncture the top of the can.
  • Various foods were introduced that were supposedly from the space program.  Tang instant orange drink comes to mind.  “Back in the day” we named our dog Tang but I don’t think we had it very long.  Let’s say it went on a mission to the moon.
  • Ice cream cones were sold by price not size.  I remember the 10 cent, quarter and fifty cent cones at DQ.
  • Soda pop was sold in a bottle with a deposit – this was before recycling was cool.
  • Jeep’s were the only all terrain SUV’s on the road?  My dad had one that was WW II vintage.
  • Station wagons ruled the road?  They were answer to the modern-day minivan/SUV.
  • Beneath the rear license plate was the gas cap to fill the car.   This was an explosion risk which ruined the concept.  Save for the explosion part, this was a great idea because you didn’t have to figure out which side of the car the gas cap was on.  You could just pull up anywhere and say fill’er up!
  • You actually wrote someone a letter and mailed it to them and they got it two, three or four days later?  It wasn’t that long ago!
  • Prices on grocery items were stamped on with a mechanical ink stamp and were carried by stock boys in a leather holster.

I am not sure if things were better in the good old days or worse.  I think some things are better now and some things are worse.  What I really miss is having my gas tank in the middle of my car because I can never remember which side it is on!  Can we at least make an industry standard that it is required to be on the driver’s side?

Have a great week.

Spring Has Sprung And Summer Is On My Radar

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This is better than snow

This is better than snow

Spring arrived just after midnight at 12:30 A.M. last Sunday. I hope you have enjoyed the first week. It was the second week of daylights savings time and we are rapidly hurtling towards the first day of summer – I can’t wait. Since we are heading towards warmer weather I thought I would break out a favorite topic – things to do as the temperature rises. Read what I wrote in previous years here, here and here.

This year I will have my list of usual things but will try to add a few more challenging items to my list. Before I begin let me tell you that harvesting veggies from my garden will appear on the list again. I have changed my strategy a little bit after a few years of misguided planting. I am going to plant few, if any, tomato plants since they have not grown well the past couple of years and they don’t last very long after picking. I am going to ramp up my hot pepper production because they always seem to grow well and I can pickle them and they will last a long time. I canned about 9 quarts last summer and I am still enjoying them on sandwiches.

I will start with my list of challenges:

  • Go on a vacation that encompasses at least 4 business days
  • Cut down 6 trees that do not belong near my house – this will involve a chain saw
  • Go to a cultural event for my wife’s sake (let’s keep that a secret between you, me and the internet)
  • Be more adventurous when picking restaurants for our weekend dinners
  • Ride my bike once per week with my wife to help her improve and for more quality time together

My “usual suspects”

  • Go to a major league and minor league baseball game
  • Cook lunch on the grill on Saturday afternoons while listening to Casey Kasem’s American Top 40 on Satellite radio
  • Ride my bike on the Silver Comet Trail as often as possible
  • Plant and harvest a bumper crop of hot peppers
  • Take Jimmy Sad Eyes to the dog park so he can romp with reckless abandon

I hope I can accomplish all that is on my list and more. I will keep you posted on how things are going. Have a great week.

Written by pacelinebiz

March 27, 2016 at 8:01 am

2016 Madness

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Why Not March Mayhem?

Why Not March Mayhem?

I have an annual tradition much like the annual tradition of the NCAA basketball tournament. It is blogging about the tournament. The best thing for me about the tournament is that it provides ample fodder to blog about. This year is no exception.

Let’s cut to the chase. This is what you need to know. The first tip-off will be March 15th – a mere 2 days from now. This is the first play in game which will be contested in Dayton, Ohio. Other dates to note are the “Sweet 16” and “Elite 8” rounds which will be played on March 24-27 to get down to the final four round which will be played on April 2nd and the championship game will be played on Monday April 4th.

Now it is time for my insightful analysis and predictions. There will be countless blocking fouls called that appear to be offensive charging to me and there will be a slew of camera shots of cheerleaders and people with painted faces. My prediction is that I will manage to watch parts of 3 games and will consume junk food that is beyond the daily recommended amount of zero. Another prediction: I will be thankful that the Pittsburgh Pirates baseball season opens on the 3rd and takes Championship Monday off.

For all of you with a rooting interest; good luck. I will be watching with passionate disinterest. Have a great week.

Designated Hitter In The National League – Good Idea?

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Play Ball!

American League baseball as pictured is inferior to the National League

There has been talk lately about the National league adopting the Designated Hitter rule that the American League has been using since the 1973 season. This is a discussion of whether or not it is a good idea.  First of all, let me tell you that I am biased towards the National League rules but will do my level best to maintain objectivity.

I had a hypothesis about why this is bad thinking it would drive up salaries by creating 1 more starting position for the National League. This turns out to be wrong since I compared tram payrolls for the NL versus the AL and the NL has a higher payroll in 2013 and 2014 and slightly less than the AL in 2015. I decided to look at the last 3 years since before that; Houston was in the National League and there were 14 AL teams and 16 NL Teams.   Going back to 2011 and looking at average team payroll for the AL and NL the evidence was not strong that the DH increased payrolls for the AL.

I also looked at the competitive balance between the two leagues and found that since the DH was implemented in 1973 in the AL, they have a 23-19 record in the World Series. That is a .548 winning percentage but a relatively small sample size.  If you compare pre and post DH records the AL is 23-19 or a 54.76 winning % in the post DH era.  They are 41-28 or a 59.42 winning % in the pre DH era.  They actually did worse with the DH.  That is interesting but not reason for the NL to claim the DH hurts competitive balance.  I think the Yankees and their 27 championships are skewing results.  Think about that number for a minute that represents 24.32% of all championships.   The Yankees need to take a few decades off from the World Series.

Since I could not come up with a business reason for the Banning of the DH I decided to ponder this issue a little further. After I thought about it I decided that most of my reasoning was based on tradition and emotion and if those were the only reasons, it might not be fair to support a ban on the DH.

After reconsidering my position I came up with some good reasoning why the DH rule should be banned. See my list below for your consideration:

  • Since 1973 our national debt has increased by 17 Trillion dollars
  • Since 1973 the U.S. steel and automotive industry has been decimated by foreign competition
  • In 1973 full service filling stations were ubiquitous and now are non-existent*. I prefer someone pumping my gas and checking my oil and filling my tires if needed to doing it by myself.  Since it was the norm this was included in the price!     *- except for New Jersey
  • Pete Rose – before the DH is Charlie Hustle after is Charlie Cheater
  • Since 1973 we lost the 1994 World Series to a player’s strike/owner’s lock out and then were treated to the steroid era.
  • Before 1973, Bobby Bonds. After 1973, his son who shall not be named!  I will give you a clue – he was the player before steroids who could not throw out one-legged Sid Bream at the plate in the 1992 NL Championship series. 
  • Before the DH no inter-league play until the World Series was played. After the DH; Detroit plays Pittsburgh every year because they are “rivals”.  I guess the 1909 World Series qualifies as a rivalry?  They never played after that Series until inter-league play began. 
  • Since 1973 the popularity of the game as compared to other sports has decreased which was the reason they put it in as a rule in the first place!

As you can see, the DH has ruined almost everything good and the proliferation of it to the National League could prove to be disastrous. Have a great week.

Written by pacelinebiz

February 21, 2016 at 12:11 pm

Happy 50th Birthday Super Bowl!

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The National Pastime

The National Pastime

This year the Super Bowl turns 50. In fact, today is the 50th super bowl that will be played.  In spite of that, I don’t want to talk about the NFL or the Super Bowl for today’s blog.  I think it would be more interesting to think about what has changed in the past 50 years.  For one thing there was no such thing as a blog.

What else has changed in the last 50 years? Well, whether you like it or not, I have a list!

  • Men’s hair styles – they have gone from long to short to long to anything goes. I don’t think there is a hairstyle that is not accepted today.  Many hairstyles for business have become acceptable that were once frowned upon.
  • Women’s hem lines – as far as I know they have done about the same thing as men’s hairstyles except in reverse short-long-short-anything goes. In general I think dresses are less popular than they were 50 years ago.
  • Technology – wow that is a whopper to say the least. 50 years ago computer were rare and the size of cars.  Now they run cars and are the size of a deck of cards or smaller.  Your smart phone is basically more powerful than the best computer of 50 years ago.  Could a computer from 50 years ago have a pizza show up at your door or tell you how to go over the river and through the woods to get to grandmother’s house?
  • Blue Jeans – see discussion about men’s hairstyles and women’s dresses. Mr. Obvious told me yesterday that fashion is fickle.  I think he is right!
  • Coca Cola – WRONG that has not changed except for a brief time in the 1980’s when someone lost their mind.
  • Daylight savings time – It was suspended during the early 1970’s by President Nixon during the energy crisis and has been adjusted several times since the 1980’s. I like how it is now so please no more changes.
  • Units of measure – 50 years ago we weighed things in pounds, ounces and tons and measured distance with inches, feet and miles. Now everything is metric and is so much better – uh, right like that happened!
  • Dependency on foreign oil – now we are energy independent and things are still terrible. I am confused by that one.
  • Eggs were good for you – wait they are good for you again never mind.
  • An Ice Age was coming – now there is a threat of global warming. This theory is partly based on the precise temperature readings from the 1880’s. Here is an excerpt of a typical conversation at a weather station in 1880.  “Josiah, should I call that 56 or 57 degrees?   I don’t know Ebenezer we always round down when we can’t tell so I guess it is 56.”
  • Baseball – 50 years ago there was not a designated hitter rule but in 1972 they destroyed the game with its introduction. Now there is talk of adding it to the National league.  I shudder.

I hope you enjoyed my silly little list – perhaps it distracted you from the game on the TV. Have a great week.  Pitchers and catchers report to spring training in about 10 days!

Written by pacelinebiz

February 7, 2016 at 4:01 pm