Merry Christmas From Jimmy Sad Eyes

It's great to take a break from the daily grind

Season’s greetings, my name is Jimmy Sad Eyes and this week I am writing the blog and giving the regular guy the week off.  He asked me to do this and I held out until I got what I wanted – a 5 minute tummy scratch each week in January.  I wasn’t supposed to tell anybody so keep it a secret between us.  

 I am going to write about my favorite things of Christmas. I am not quite two years old so it will be a short list as my experience is limited.

Favorite song:

Jingle Bells.  In case you don’t know it starts out like this:  

Woof, Woof, Woof

Woof, Woof, Woof

Favorite Gift:

Extra Large Rawhide Bone (with a compass in the stock*)

Favorite Christmas Television** Special:

Anything with Snoopy in it.  That dudes rocks!

Honorable mentions:

Christmas leftovers, hey a dog likes to splurge once in a while too.

When the neighbors and their dog Tina come over for a Christmas visit – if you know what I mean.

Eggnog – ‘nuff said

Eating the milk and cookies left out for Santa.  So far they haven’t figured it out.

This is the part when the other guy tells you to have a great week but I always have a great week.  I mix in a few walks, a couple of meals and about 12 hours of naps throughout the day.  You should try that some time, I recommend it in fact.

*Editor’s note – OK, I added that due to my affinity for the movie A Christmas Story

**Editor’s note #2 – Jimmy doesn’t have a high def Television or use the abbreviation “TV” either -   read about low def eyes in a high def world here

 

If I Had A Million Dollars – At Christmas

One Million Dollars

Last March I wrote a blog about what I would do with a million dollar windfall.  It ended with me left with 2 cents and giving it to you and telling you to be happy with what you have.  This time I am going to just have fun spending a million for my Christmas gifts. 

 To start, I am going to spend some money on myself.

1)      A new fancy bike that is very light weight with all the cool gadgets.  I will allocate $5,000 to this purchase which I feel is appropriate since this is only a dream. 

2)      Fix my garage.  It has two single doors and I want it to have one large door.  I hate this about my house and I have to deal with it every day.  Whatever it costs it would be worth it especially since I have some extra scratch to spend.

3)      Hire someone to come in and do all the little things around the house and make my to do list read: Swing on hammock while sipping a beverage.  This would be priceless.

 Enough for me now on to my wife:

1)      See item 3 above. 

2)      A shiny new diamond ring that had a super-duper special feature.  It would not get misplaced while digging in the dirt when gardening

3)      A week vacation wherever she wanted to go without me.

4)      A week vacation wherever she wanted to go with me.

5)      A day at the spa getting pampered.

6)      A brand new car!  I can imagine Johnny Olson saying that now.

7)      Lessons from the person who would teach her to appreciate my special brand of humor.  That might cost a few bucks.

8)      A swimming pool, a landscape pool and a pool table (for good measure).

 Now for my parents:

1)      For my Mom I would get small cottage to escape to so she could do what she wanted to without having to cook, clean, and in general wait on my Dad, my brothers, sisters and me.  At this cottage she would have a wait staff to wait on her.  She would also have a large flower garden that she could putter in and when she got tired she could point and tell the gardener what to do.

2)      For my Dad I would get a wait staff for the times that my Mom escaped to the cottage.  (The law of unintended consequences at work here.)  I would also get him every DVD of anything about World War II.  He has seen everything already at least once but I guess it would be nice for him to have it at his fingertips.  I would also buy him a year’s supply of coffee which would create a spike in the price so you might want to invest in coffee futures.

 Now on to siblings:

1)      For my older brother, I would get a big and bad Ford F-250 crew cab with a towing package.  I would also get him a perfectly restored 1969 Camaro Z-28 to tow to drag races and for general tooling around the main drag.  He would have to promise to allow me to ride along.  He could pick the color as it would be delivered ready for a final coat of his choosing.  Did I mention it would have to two 4-barrel carburetors?

2)      For my younger brother, I would get a big RV that could haul a trailer for kayaks, canoes, bikes and various other gear so he could take weekend getaways in luxury.  The RV would be equipped with a microwave, satellite, Blu-Ray DVD and a High Def Television as well as a hot tub to take care of sore muscles from over-doing it.  He would have to promise to let me go on some weekend adventures and to let me use the hot tub when I did something stupid.

3)      For the oldest of my two younger sisters I would buy a completely stocked professional kitchen so she could create sumptuous meals in style.  If having this awesome kitchen (I am imagining a lot of stainless steel) led to a show on the Food Network I would insist that she let me make a guest appearance.  If the guest appearance was not possible I would have her name a specially created dish after me.

4)      For my youngest sister, I would renovate her house to add an in ground pool off of her deck and add an entrance to the pool area from her basement.  I would also trick it out with a cool sound system and buy her Jimmy Buffet’s complete catalog so she could always be in Margaritaville.  I would also have a huge outdoor fireplace/grill and a bathroom so we could spend all day outside without a need for going in for any reason.  She would have to agree to hold all family parties at her house.  If she was real nice to me I might even get her a pool boy…but her husband might have something to say about that. 

I guess I have probably spent all of my money so I will stop this dream and get back to reality.  Wow, that was fun.  Next week Jimmy Sad Eyes will be writing this blog and will have a Christmas Message to share.   Have a great week.