If Jimmy Sad Eyes Were King…
To celebrate Jimmy’s one year anniversary in Georgia a couple months ago, I sat down with him and asked him what things he would change if he were King. Below are some bullet points from our conversation.
- The bad dog down the street would be forever banished from walking in Jimmy’s Kingdom. Jimmy said; “I would hate to do it to him but he is giving us dogs a bad name. After all, he wears a purple sweater.”
- Rabbits would be served for dinner every night. “These rabbits that flit about I have no use for except on my plate” Jimmy then bellowed loudly at his own joke while puffing on a cigar.
- Random shadows and floating dust balls would not enrage him causing barking fits lasting up to a minute. When I prodded him on this he looked away and replied that he didn’t want to talk about it.
- The work day would start off with a two hour nap followed by a brisk 30 minute session of sun-basking. Jimmy claims this is when he recharges his batteries and typically does his best work.
- He would have the ability to fly and strike down those cocky birds with their fancy wings. Jimmy was very adamant about his insistence that the birds would pay for their treatment of Jimmy if he were King. He compared them to Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown.
- His wet nose would draw beautiful art work all over the windows of “His” castle. He claims a blood relationship with Pablo Picasso’s dog.
- Taking a bath would be optional and not cause a wild Tasmanian devil reaction. According to Jimmy; “baths are for weak people not for Kings”
- The dog park would be on the grounds of his compound. He envisions his park having one fire hydrant for every 10 feet.
- Cats would be servants. Jimmy says; “I don’t trust these cats so I would keep a close eye on them.”
- He could produce heirs… Jimmy had no further comment on this.
- Shedding would be a desired trait. “Grooming is overrated anyway. Cats are into that stuff – what more do I have to say?”
- Knocking down a few cheese puffs and Doritos would be celebrated as the well rounded snack that it is. He admits this habit is his downfall and often leads to a few extra ounces around the collar.
I hope you enjoyed getting to know Jimmy Sad Eyes a little better, have a great week.